Advice for Obama's Enemies: Cheer up, goofballs!

Shepard Smith gif

Ok. kids...let me start by saying a little something about the title of this article: "Advice for Obama's Enemies: Cheer up, goofballs!"  I am not calling everyone who supported Romney a goofball.  But just bear with me here, and I think once I am finished, you will certainly feel that I was more than justified in using the word "goofball" to describe some of the people I will be discussing in this article.

I think this is surely one of the bigger stories of the day, concerning how there are so many on the Republican side of the aisle who just can not seem to get GET OVER IT (actually I think Shepard Smith is saying "GET OFF IT!" in this gif, but just play along and pretend he is saying "GET OVER IT!"), and accept their election defeat.  This kind of perplexes me, as my personal choice for the presidency Independent presidential candidate Abraham Fungus Jr. was crushed, and my reaction was more like,  "Ehhh, whatever."  But these Republicans, they are so decimated, they are so utterly destroyed about the loss,  that there was even enough of this material for someone to make an entire tumblr about it.  (SEE: Republican Tears)  I was already on top of the story before I even found out about that, but I was not quite aware of just how out of control this grief over Obama's victory actually was. 

Ok, I promised to bring you some goofballs, so let's get going with that part of our story, shall we?

This Donald Trump guy...  he is a real goof nugget isn't he?  I mean, look at these insane tweets he was making as the election was unfolding...

Donald Trump's election day tweets

Apparently this is the first time his entire life, Donald Trump has ever actually watched election coverage, instead of the old Tony Curtis movie playing on channel 9 as the only alternative to the news.  During an election, as the returns come in, it often happens that the eventual loser will at some point of the evening have a huge lead (because ALL the votes haven't been counted yet).  So, this is what happened on election night, as Romney had a popular vote lead early on, because the returns in many of the red states where he had the largest support were coming in first.  Poor Donald apparently didn't have a clue this was what was happening, and thought Romney was winning the popular vote, but somehow losing the election because of the electoral college.  So, Trump does what any rational member of the business community would do, and calls for a revolution and overthrow of the government.

cute cat with "invisible bow and arrow"

Technically, to publicly call for a literal overthrow of the federal government is treason, but since Trump's plan was probably to march on Washington along side an army of cats with invisible bows and arrows, the powers that be will probably let it slide this time, on account of temporary (or perhaps lingering) insanity.

Elmo on the potty gif

But, wait!  It gets better!  Oh my goodness, this Glenn Beck guy is something else.  Sorry, he just is.  In my blog I try to be nice, and say nice things about people 99.9% of the time...  but this Glenn Beck guy..  he is more than out to lunch.  WHOA!  He is out there in outer space.

Glenn was also calling for revolution, so "the Donald", get your army of cats with invisible bows and arrows ready, because shit just got real!

In the video Glenn Beck's Post-Election Plan, Beck briefly treats us to his Kermit the Frog impersonation, than advises people to "get grandfathered in to the second amendment" and "don't forget the ammunition"  (which is, of course, code for telling them to stockpile an arsenal of weapons).

Glenn Beck doing his Chicken Little routine.  It's hard to understand how a guy with such great fashion sense could say such horrible stuff, but he does.

In this video below,  Beck makes the startling revelation to his followers that the reason his election predictions were so f*cked up, is because he is actually a human, although a SUPER IMPORTANT one (not some poor slob Joe Bagadonuts like us), but still, a human, so he screwed up just this once, I guess.  He also says half of Americans are "utterly and completely lost in darkness", and of course, starts crying.




I really don't know what is the deal with Beck and Trump.  They are both filthy rich.  They are still gonna be filthy rich no matter what happens.  Just cheer up, and chill out guys.

But then there are lots of ordinary people out there, the Joe and Josephine Bagadonuts just like you and me, who are also, what shall we say... not taking Obama's victory very well.  For example, there is this one lady who's anti-Obama rant has gone viral.  Her name evidently is "Shelly", but a lot of people are referring to her as "the terrifying woman", because  I mean she really flipped out...really went berserk...  Let's just say, once the election results became abundantly clear, the cheese slid clear off her cracker.  She posted this video Obama Was Re-Elected - I'm pissed - This ain't pretty. NSFW!!! (Or civilized humans.) on youtube, and let her feelings be known.  I can't post it here because it is laced with profanity, and besides Shelly disabled embedding.  But what I can post is the response video I made at my very own channel...

Then there is the case of disappointed Romney supporter "DanaPatAlan."  I am not calling him a "goofball."  He seems like a fairly decent guy... just having very, very disappointed reaction to Obama's victory, as you can see in the video below.



And now...





Presenting and Introducing"The Jimmy Fungus Institute for Advanced Studies (and Also For Learning)"

presenting "The Jimmy Fungus Institute for Advanced Studies (and Also For Learning"")

 Apparently, there is one man in America like me, who is a virtual expert at losing, and takes it quite well.  That man is former Independent presidential candidate Abraham Fungus Jr., who instead of crying in the beer of his defeat, is instead doing some good for society, and helping me establish "The Jimmy Fungus Institute for Advanced Studies (and Also For Learning)." 

Well, I don't need to tell you anything else about it, because Abraham Fungus Jr.'s speech in the vid below explains everything, so check it out.




At least we were able to end up on a somewhat positive note, right?

Once again, thank you, and please remember to support your local zoo.

Stay classy, Chicago!

Anti-Bullying Month Kicks Off With Two Most Unfortunate Events (also, an important essay from the highly esteemed Lord Throckmorton Fungusleaves)

"SERIOUS BUSINESS" meme starring Chloe Moretz (found on the internets)

Guess what, kids!?  It's anti-bullying month.  Or at least that's what Jennifer Livingston told me (more on her later).  Yes, I know it's hard for many of you to believe, but I have been a pathetic, dorkiful loser virtually my entire life ("dorkiful" - I just made that word up right now...yeah, cool), so I am no stranger to the cold, calculated torment that bullies can inflict onto a person such as me. 

"Stop Bullying at School" comic strip created by myrealname at stopbullying.bitstrips.com

No, no...bullying is not good.  If it were running for office I would vote against it.  But as Lord Throckmorton Fungusleaves (more on him later) would say, "That is neither here, nor there."  Because our next topic is vaguely related to this anti-bullying business, but I have to talk about it now, because when the holy heck will I ever get around to it again right?  Am I right?   Yeeeaaah.


 

George Dalmon and Andy Miles were banned from Mongolian buffet restaurant for "eating like pigs"

Our next enthralling story, comes to us via the British newspaper "The Telegraph."  (SEE Pair banned from all-you-can-eat restaurant for eating too much )  It sounds like a subplot to one of the worst episodes of "The Simpsons" ever, but these two lads, George Dalmon and Andy Miles, were kicked out of a Mongolian barbeque buffet restaurant for eating too much.  The manager of the restaurant referred to these gentlemen as a "couple of pigs", saying, "Basically they just come in and pig out.  We've had to put up with them for a couple of years, but I've had enough."

OH GOD WHY

How can something like this happen in America??  Oh yeah, that's right...it happened in the United Kingdom.
THANK GOD.

Now back to our bullying story...

Jennifer Livingston of WKBT in La Crosse, Wisconsin

Have you all heard about Jennifer Livingston, the WKBT news anchor who got a nasty e-mail from some bully regarding her physical appearance?  Well, this video below will explain it...



Jennifer didn't name who the turd slurper that sent her that e-mail was, but I have a sneaking suspicion it was...

Mitt Romney wearing a no fat chicks t-shirt

No, no just kidding.  But anyway, the point is, we need a more compassionate country... and world, for that matter.  Heavyweight boxing champion George Foreman once said, "Compassion goes in and out of style" when explaining his success was the by-product of a "compassionate America."  We need compassion to come back into style.  Oh yeah.

"You're mean. Go away." meme

But how do we achieve this goal of creating a kinder, more compassionate world?  The honorable Lord Throckmorton Fungusleaves has a few idears.  Check out the video below...




Thank you Lord Throckmorton, and thank YOU, gentle reader.

God bless you all, and please remember to support your local zoo.

Stay classy, Chicago!

"Tebowie" Video by Jimmy Fallon: The Only Surviving Version Allowed on the Internets

The real life Eric Cartman

Do you all remember my article on "Tebowie" by Jimmy Fallon?  What!!??  No!!!  Well, whatever...that's not important right now.  Here's what is.  NBC has pulled the Tebowie video down from their website, and scrubbed it from almost every place on all of the internets...  This despite the fact it was a big viral video hit.  The only surviving version is the one below, which only survives because the quality is so poor it is protected by the fair use rule of copyright law...but if you just desperately need to get get your Tebowie fix click on the pic/link below:

click it

You can imagine how I felt when I first discovered the "Tebowie" video was gone about a week or so ago.  I remember when Rebecca Black's "Friday" was briefly pulled off the internets... the only way I got through that day was by making homemade prozac, out of peanut butter, ground up excedrin, and diet dr. pepper, and listening to my Leo Sayer records while sobbing uncontrollably.

I really don't understand NBC's line of thinking.  The video was a big viral hit...and because of the lyrics it would only be truly relevant up until this year's Super Bowl.  By pulling it down they were denying NBC, and Jimmy Fallon millions of dollars of free advertising.  Is their rationale that people who just need to hear "Tebowie" are going to go out and buy the box set of all of two hundred and how many ever episodes of the Jimmy Fallon show to hear it?  I don't know, but this kinda crap gives you just a slight taste of what life would be like under laws like SOPA and PIPA, and other similar legislation. ...  a true nightmare!

A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A NIGHT MARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A NIGHTMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH GOD WHY?

Mr. Harold Camping vs. Dr. James White: Clash of Theological Titans

Well, I know what you are all thinking: "Jimmy Fungus, what the hell is this entry about? Who the hell are Harold Camping and Dr. James White?" Ok, well, just calm down because I am going to tell you.





Harold Camping is one of the most famous Bible teachers in the world. He is President and General Manager of Family Radio which can be heard at http://www.familyradio.com/ and is also the host of the Open Forum radio program. He is also famous because he says, "Thank you for calling and sharing, now may we take our next caller please..." When Harold Camping was a naive young man of 72 (or something like that) he wrote a book called "1994" predicting the end of the world. Well, if you haven't heard, Harold Camping screwed up, because the world did not end in 1994. But that's ok, everyone makes mistakes. (Oh come on, like you have never predicited the end of the world, and got it wrong...don't be so judgmental.) To understand more about who Harold Camping is and what the hell he is all about, please see the following video posted by John and Michelle Dougher at youtube. John and Michelle thought it would be a good "idear" to post this video at youtube, and I would have to say, they were certainly right about that. Here it is:







OH GOD WHY?

OH GOD WHY?

...for some unknown reason John and Michelle Dougher took down their wonderful Harold Camping video (dammit), but eh..here is another video of the Harold Camping program...that will have to do.
Well, ok now...on with our story... Dr. James R. White thinks that Harold Camping is a big jerk, because Harold Camping preaches that the "church age" is over, which led Dr. White to author the book Dangerous Airwaves: Harold Camping Refuted and Christ's Church Defended. Dr. James White is a professional pastor, and director of Alpha and Omega ministries which you can learn more about at www.aomin.org/ . He is not famous or anything, but he does look a lot like former Minnesota governor Jesse "the Body" Ventura. Jesse Ventura Recently, Governor Ventura, err, I mean Dr. James White, and Mr. Harold Camping met in a debate, in which they did battle over Harold Camping's very controversial teachings about the end of the "church age", and the end of the world. (Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Now, Mr. Harold Camping says the world will not end in the year 1994, but in May something, 2011. So be sure not to schedule any family picnics on that day.) This very violent and fiery debate can be heard at the Iron Sharpens Iron blog here: Harold Camping Debates Dr. James White (Part One) and here: Harold Camping Debates Dr. James White (Part Two)