If George Lucas taught me anything when I was a kid through the subliminal messages in his movies, it was to always keep my promises to my friends. So now in this edition of JimmyFungus.com I will do just that. In this post I follow through on a promise I made to Gorilla Bannanas at http://japingape.blogspot.com.
In the comments section, Gorilla Bananas wrote the following:
And I did sorta promise that we were going to have a vote. So, guess what? A vote is exactly what we are going to have! Though I am blogging a lot lately, and putting a lot of pressure on my regular commenters. Hopefully, someone will come by and vote besides me, because if I had the only vote that wouldn't really be fair (that's the way they do things in Soviet Russia). Hopefully Gorilla Bananas will come by too and vote to (but that would leave the voting in a tie). So, I will leave the voting open for awhile (how about until January 6, 2017?) so we get enough votes to have a decent "Hail Satan!" Face Off.
So in this corner we have...
Lord Picklejar
If you liked Lord Picklejar's "Hail Satan!"'s better, type "Thumbs up!"
Chloe Moretz thumbs up gif
If you didn't like the Lord Picklejar video type "No"
Boxxy "No" gif
And in this corner we have...
This Guy
this guy
If you liked this guy's "Hail Satan!" better type "EPIC WIN!"
EPIC WIN baby
Or if you didn't like his "Hail Satan!" type "GTFO!"
brand newly invented by me Bill Nye GTFO! meme
Ok, then. That shouldn't be too complicated. Once again, thank you, and please remember to support your local zoo.
this "Every day I'm rustlin'" jimmies meme was totally inspired by the japing ape (so you don't get the wrong idea, this is a man in a gorilla suit, and not Gorilla Bananas the author of the japing ape blog)
I stole this idea from...errr..ummm...I mean Gorilla Bananas at http://japingape.blogspot.com/ inspired me to create this "Every day I'm rustlin'" jimmies meme with his excellent article entitled "The Invisible Gorilla." Hopefully I will get his blessing in being able to add it to my collection of "That really rustled my jimmies" memes over here: "That Really Rustled My Jimmies" (the complete collection). Or maybe if I don't hear from him soon, I will just add it anyway, and hope he doesn't use his massive gorilla forearms to rip me limb from limb. We'll see how it goes...
Well, you are probably wondering what's going on with all the rest of my regular commenters (by my "regular commenters" I mean, my readers who have been commenting on virtually every post since nearly the dawn of Fungus time), so here we go: Jax at http://raviolisandwaterworks.com recently had a birthday, so be sure to send her a belatedly baked cake if you haven't already. The entire world is awaiting the next Bersercules video, and the next Mark the Rambling Person podcast. Nellie Vaughn, the author of Buttons are Not Currency (who also hosts Little Room Discussions with this other girl), has been missing in action for quite awhile now. Miss Vaughn if you are tired of blogging, I still need your comments on my blog posts. I would be glad to compensate you, but I can only afford to pay you in Doritos. Oh! And I have never given a shout out to Aysh at http://ohmeowmeowoh.blogspot.com/ who almost never misses one of my posts...so good for you, Aysh. You're a poet, and a hero. Recently, I have met some new lovely people who are leaving some super delightful comments, and I swear I WILL write about you sooner, or later. (If you want me to that is.)
Kbbuddingwriter at http://karanbattu.blogspot.com, don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you. You are actually going to be kind of a BIG DEAL in this post...
Anywho, if you are one of the sick puppies who wanted to see Justin Bieber get a can of whoop ass opened up on him, it looks like you have gotten your wish. For in his new video for the song "As Long As You Love Me", that is exactly what happens.
"I didn't exactly enjoy slapping him around," Michael Madsen told MTV News. "Had he been a prick, had he been a brat, you know, I might have had fun with that. But he was actually, he was the opposite."
Back in the day, it probably would have been rude for a member of the media to even ask such a question. But, if you ARE one of these cruel sadistic bastards, who would enjoy seeing Justin Bieber get his ass kicked, I personally made this gif for you...
Justin Bieber getting beaten up in "As Long As You Love Me" gif
And to give you some context, here is the full video below...
So, now I am going to attempt an awkward segue into the next thing I shall be talking about...
If I was rich and famous as Justin Bieber, I would probably savor the flavor and aroma of every turd my detractors in the peanut gallery chose to fling my way. But being the poor, struggling proletariat that I am... getting pestered by the occasional poop projectile is at best, a mildly depressing reason to bring my computer to the crap cleaners, and at worst,...wellll...let's not go there.
How Comments Hurt: One of My "Most Controversial Post" Posts Causes a Furor
Look, Mr. T. Roger Thomas, I am not one of the paparazzos that Justin Bieber likes to punch in the face (allegedly). Randomly taking photos of people, and then carelessly plugging them into a context in which they don't belong, and adding a ridiculous caption, is not only shoddy journalism...it is just plain WRONG!
ABBA in "Take a Chance on Me" video... and Bersercules??
Tonight, I just have time to partially defend myself from these thinly veiled charges of journalistic malfeasance which T. Roger Thomas has hurled against me (I'm busy running a sick ass blog, you know.) But...allow me to address at least one of the accusations.
I did create a meme starring a youtube personality "Lord Picklejar" that was emblazoned with the caption (if you want to refer to it as a caption) "HAIL SATAN!"
Lord Picklejar is not a "blogger" in the sense that our commenter T. Roger Thomas means. Picklejar hosted a youtube program at his channel http://youtube.com/colpicklejar and described himself as ""the grand archduke of Hell in the service of Satan, who is called the Lightbringer." (Lord Picklejar has not hosted a show at this channel for a very long time...I assume, he has moved on to bigger and better things.) Lord Picklejar had a tradition of ending every one of his shows with the exclamation "HAIL SATAN!"
And guess what...GUESS WHAT, PEOPLES!! I have made my first ever youtube video by making a best of compilation of Lord Picklejar hailing Satan, at my very own youtube channel http://youtube.com/jimmyfungus! And here it is....
Now...forgive me, if I use a little sarcasm of my own... As you can see I was reaaaaallly out of line for having the nerve to make the meme that I made.
In the words of the immortal Steve Martin...
Steve Martin: "Excuse me!"
Moving right along...
Insanely Brilliant Quotes with Fran Lebowitz
Now, I would like to introduce a brand new segment at JimmyFungus.com called "Insanely Brilliant Quotes" with Fran Lebowitz. Fran Lebowitz is a best selling New York author, and her wisdom, candor, and wit can be matched by...virtually no one. It is always fascinating to hear her views on all of today's burning social issues, and she is an excellent spokes person for pretty much anything. (SEE: Fran Lebowitz on Occupy Wall Street)
Way back in the day, Lebowitz was a frequent guest on the David Letterman Show. (SEE: Fran Lebowitz on Late Night With David Letterman) Sadly, at least it seems to me, that most recently, the corporate run anti-Rebecca Black media, rarely gives her a forum to express her ideas. Well, kids, we can fix that...can't we? With my newly invented "Insanely Brilliant Quotes with Fran Lebowitz" meme, we can spread Fran's insane brilliance to all corners of the internets. Here are just two examples of what we can do with this idea...
Fran Lebowitz on billionaires' greed
Fran Lebowitz on the hypocrisy of the super rich
And now, finally...
Song of the Day
And now, FINALLY...we can end our amazing voyage through the interwebs with today's "Song of the Day." No introduction is really needed.. here it is.
Once again, thank you, and please remember to support your local zoo.
Anywho, if you haven't seen the movie "Taken" starring Liam Neeson, where Neeson gives the famous speech that goes "I don't know who you are...but if you don't let my daughter go...I will find you...I will kill you", then you were probably just thinking...well, that's not very nice...why would Niam Leeson threaten to kill Carly Rae Jepsen? Ok, well if you are still thinking that, not to be rude, but...just get over it, this is one of my "most controversial post" posts, and I announced that ahead of time...which makes it o.k.
"I don't know who you are...but if you don't let my daughter go...I will find you...I will kill you." Liam Neeson.
And what exactly would one of my most controversial posts be, without a cameo appearance by the most evil guy in the world, Adolph Hitler? So here is a youtube video where Liam Neeson phones Adolph Hitler...
"Damn you, Jimmy Fungus!" Hitler.
Well there ya go... the most evil guy in the world is thankfully thwarted again. Alrighty then...moving right along...
My Personal Collection of "Hail Satan!" Memes
This IS indeed my personal collection of "Hail Satan!" and Satanism memes. I hope they bring you as much darkness, and doom as they brought me....
Without further ado...let's go...
Carly Rae Jepsen "Call Me Maybe"/Hail Satan! gif
Well, I really must apologize to Miss Carly Rae Jepsen (America's sweetheart from Canada) for featuring her not once, but twice, in one of my "most controversial post" posts. But like Don King or Andy Warhol (I can't remember which) once said, "All publicity is good publicity."
"Hail Satan" Dogs (found on the internets)
always a classic the "HAIL SATAN" teletubbie...I believe it is Tinky Winky
The "HAIL SATAN, MOTHER F*CKER!" t-shirt... the perfect Christmas gift for the friend, or family member who is a member of the Church of Satan (or for whatever wacky holiday Satanists celebrate instead of Christmas).
Hail Sagan, as in Carl (via the internets)
This is really a "Hail Sagan", and not a "Hail Satan" meme... Ehh, but whatever...in my "most controversial post" posts, I tend to let all journalistic integrity kinda fly out the window.
Aubrey Plaza: "I'd like to thank the devil and all the dark lords who gave this award..." (via leeleesux.tumblr)
"Hail Satan!" devil via "Leo & Satan"
the "Why? FOR THE GLORY OF SATAN OF COURSE!" bear (via the internets)
Normally, the "for the glory of Satan" bear, would be way too controversial for little ole JimmyFungus.com... but this is one of my "most controversial post" posts... So, it's alllll good.
"Satanism For Dummies"
"Satanism for Dummies"...a must read for anyone considering surrendering their soul to Satan in exchange for goods and/or services.
bad cows
Bad cows... they are bad moos (get it? Ugg.) These are the cows you will meet in Hell... or I mean I will meet in Hell... Because that's where I'm going for making this post.
"Hail Satan!" obligatory Bart Simpson version (via idled-teen.tumblr)
:Hail Satan!" Winnie the Pooh version (found on the internets)
You know what else comes with a video.... The song of the day.
John Denver and the Muppets (just because)
Song of the Day
The Song of the Day is "Poems, Prayers, and Promises" by John Denver and the Muppets... what else would it be?
John Denver always had this thing that he said at the end of every concert, and show... but I can't remember what it is. So I will just say what I always do....
Thank you all, very much, and please remember to support your local zoo. Stay classy, Chicago.
The new Batman movie "The Dark Knight Rises" directed by Christopher Nolan is not even out in theaters yet...but that has not stopped people from having very strong opinions about it. SEE: Rotten Tomatoes Suspends Comments on Dark Knight The well known movie review site rottentomatoes.com had to shut down user comments because so many anonymous internet thugs were making heinous, life-threatening comments against film critics who spoke poorly of the upcoming movie. Not that I don't have some sympathy for these "anonymous internet thugs." I have had a beef with film critics ever since Roger Ebert ruined the ending of "Dead Poets Society" for me when I was a kid (his justification was that the ending was predictable, so if you were too stupid to see it coming, it was your own damn problem).
But, the reason I bring this up friends, is yes, sadly... JimmyFungus.com recently was attacked by one of these anonymous internet tough guy bullies, and I nearly had to put in place some kind of comment moderation of my own (I hope I will never have to do this).
I may not be Batman, but using the sophisticated technologies available to me, combined with the fact that the perpetrator apparently has the IQ of a poorly fermented pickle, I was able to pinpoint exactly where the comments had come from in less than 2 minutes.
"BACKTRACED IT"
Despite this supposedly anonymous bully's obvious stupidity, he seems to fancy himself as an "intellectual." For the comments were written in a style of speech one would hear Helena Bonham Carter using on an episode of "Masterpiece Theater", only in this episode of "Masterpiece Theater" Helena Bonham Carter plays a prostitute in one of King Henry VIII's brothels (if that would even be historically accurate, cut me some slack on that), for his comments were laced with obscenities, expletives, and pornographic references. Worse yet, this bumbling buffoon then attempted to impersonate me, again using the anonymous function, and responding to his own idiotic comments, but then signing my name (I have read that talking to yourself makes you smarter, but clearly not in this guy's case). Ok, first of all, my readers are some of the savviest, and most intelligent people on the face of the earth. They know I wouldn't use the anonymous function to reply to comments on my own website. Secondly, they know I don't talk like a member of Fagin's gang from an off Broadway re-adaptation of the musical version of "Oliver Twist", as this drooling dumb ass wrote his comments to sound like.
"YOU'RE BANNED" (via lolz.ar)
So, Mr. Supposedly Anonymous Online Thug..., YOU ARE BANNED...BANNED!!...from JimmyFungus.com for life!!
Also, this knucklehead has been playing the same game on blogs all across the internets, and has probably been doing this for some time. I don't know if it is his lame attempt at trying to be funny, or a round about way of spamming some pornographic websites...but here good sir, allow me to assist you...
Uhh, yeah..so how does one carry on in a world where there are so many naysayers, just ready to fling their smelly, rotten turds at you, for no other reason than for their own stinkin' amusement? How does one live brightly, in a world of darkness? No one knows. No, there is actually someone who knows: Lord Picklejar, (the arch duke of Hell in the service of Satan).
Lord Picklejar: "HAIL SATAN!"
In this video lecture, which is in a series of lectures called "Great Lectures in Evil", Lord Picklejar responds to a contest held by the people who make Sun Chips, in which people send in stories about how they can "live brightly", and then perhaps win a nice prize, but at the same time, change the world for the better...
Watch Lord Picklejar's eyes at the beginning of this video. Wouldn't he be a great boyfriend for Overly Attached Girlfriend girl?? (I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin.)
Bush is Back
I screwed you all... but thanks for blaming it on the black guy. ~ George W. Bush meme
Well, we very seldom hear from former President Bush anymore, because he is trying to stay out of the limelight. In fact the only time we ever do hear from him is if he is feuding with Kanye West, or promoting a new book. So, guess what... George W. Bush has a new book out called "The 4 Percent Solution: Unleashing the Economic Growth America Needs", so he is doing interviews. SEE: George W. Bush: 'Eight Years Was Awesome, And I Was Famous And I Was Powerful'
"Eight years was awesome, and I was famous and I was powerful." George W. Bush in his interview with Peter Robinson
Wellllll, kids... I really try to avoid taking sides on a lot of these political things, because I like to remain an objective investigative journalist, so I will just post what HuffPost user TheKurgan said about it...which I think, pretty well sums it up!
"Getting George W. Bush to expound on the econmy is like asking Napoleon Dynamite to dscover the Higgs Boson," TheKurgan.
"We don't have books anymore. We have Spiderman," George W. Bush. (No, just kidding! He didn't really say that. I don't think.)
Song of the Day
As per usual, we play ourselves out with a song. It's "Goodbye", the last song on Elton John's legendary album "Madman Across the Water", but it's an unusual version of this song. Luckily it was posted by youtube user CrazyWater so we could all hear it...
I'm sorry, I took your time... I am the poem that doesn't rhyme... Once again, thank you all, and please remember to support your local zoo.
Well, kids...NOW...on with our story. The story of a great and heroic figure of the internets...DAX FLAME.
The Story of Dax Flame (the early years)
"I tell people to call me Dax Flame, because it's kind of cool."
The date is December 6, 2006. Dax introduces himself to us in his first ever video aptly titled My First Video Diary, and tells us his name is Bernice Juach III. He says he doesn't like to be called "Bernice" because "it's kinda girly." Who can blame him? "I tell people to call me Dax Flame, because it's kind of cool," says "Bernice." It sure is. Dax posts the video in the category: News & Politics and labels the video with the tags: video , human , cool, very handsome.
"Good morning," Dax Flame.
In Dax Flame's second video, Dax plots to "earn the gift of friendship" from his classmate "Jacob." SEE: Second Blog Entry: I will befriend Jacob By Dax's third video the infamous pee fight video, we are already seeing the emergence of "the Dax Flame formula" for youtube vlogging. Sort of like "the Rocky formula" in many of the Rocky movies where Rocky would lose a fight at the beginning of one of the Rocky movies, then make a big comeback and have a huge victory at the end of the film... The Dax Flame formula seems to work in reverse. Dax will get excited about an opportunity to finally attain some measure of happiness, only to have something silly happen which will cause his hopes and dreams to be dashed, and ultimately crushed.
...only for his hopes and dreams to be crushed time and time again.
To make matters more complicated, Dax falls in love with a girl named Sophia.
Dax Flame falls in love with Sophia, which makes matters more complicated
Well, the whole story of Dax Flame, Jacob, and Sophia was a very sordid tale. Luckily the video below helps sum up things...somewhat...
Dax Flame: The COOL MOVES Era
Dax Flame during the so-called "COOL MOVES" ERA (so-called by me)
Some of the most important videos uploaded by Dax Flame are his "COOL MOVES" videos in which Dax basically gives us lessons in his version of Kung Fu... or, "Dax Fu" if you will.
Every generation has it's pop icon figures who are tremendously influential in the field of fashion and style. In the 60's, Beatlemania and the moptop hairstyle of John, Paul, George, and Ringo made it's impact, for example. Whether it be in the 70's with John Travolta and his white three piece disco suit...Madonna and Michael Jackson in the 80's...or the current day fashion trend setter Lady Gaga... Dax Flame has the potential to be an icon in this considerably important area of our pop culture.
Raging Dax: "The Slap" and the Fury of Dax Flame
Dax Flame is assaulted on camera?
So, it came to pass that during the taping of the first ever episode of "The Dax News" in a Dax Flame video titled First guest appearance, ruins your prevelages(He is a IDIOT), Dax is slapped across the face by his fed up cousin "Alec." "Another idiot besides my mom in my family," says Dax (referring to "Alec"), and all the inquisitive types at youtube are slowing the video down like it's the Zapruder film, to try to find evidence of whether or not Dax was truly smacked across the face, or whether a hoax was being perpetrated.
In coming videos, Dax Flame would be prone to a few Eric Cartman like rages...
Dax Flame's chair is a co-star of many of his videos, and inspired perhaps the most ingenious Daxflame response video of all time, presented by Lord Picklejar the grand archduke of Hell in the service of Satan...
TAPE FACE, GreenTeaGurlie, and feud with Lisa Nova
Dax Flame in "TAPE FACE"
Thankfully, despite all this turmoil, Dax Flame continues making videos,...and catapults himself to new heights of fame with his video "TAPE FACE."
Dax's new found super fame (SEE: My T.V. Appearance, Not as Happy as it sounds ) results in him getting a "hot robot girlfriend" named GreenTeaGurlie...who seems to disappear from Dax's life as quickly as she came into it.
Dax then gets into a feud with youtube star Lisa Nova, but the feud quickly turns into a friendship, as the two enter into several creative collaborations that enrich everyone's lives.
In the following collaboration with Lisa Nova, Smosh, and Tony "the winekone", Dax Flame vies for the attention of Lisa Nova "the love of his life." Well, I won't spoil the ending...
Dax Flame's True Identity (he is not a bad person)
As Dax's fame grows, some inquisitive youtubers manage to pin down his true identity...and Dax Flame has a lot of explaining to do. He reveals he lied about his name being "Bernice Juach" and asks his fans for forgiveness.
"Forgiving and Understanding will bring magic to your life and you will LOVE it! If you fail to practice forgiveness you will fail to remian alive." -Daxflame
Despite being lied to and a myriad of other controversies involving Dax, Dax Flame's fans remain loyal, and know in their hearts he is not a bad person...
Dax Flame Evolves into the Mature Superstar He is Today
Dax Flame with the cast of "Project X"
But the Dax Flame story does not end there. He has today emerged as a star of major blockbuster feature films, such as "Project X", and "21 Jump Street", as well as being an aspiring film maker, and a competent spokesman for his generation.
And so that will end another excellent day here at JimmyFungus.com. This is Jimmy Fungus signing off.
Once again... God bless you, and please remember to support your local ice cream shop.
