Super Bowl 60 Prediction: Pats vs. Seahawks

 

New England Patriots vs. Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl 60 

Ah, the Super Bowl, that glittering gridiron farce where the New England Patriots—those perennial cheaters with their deflate-gate skeletons and spy-tape scandals—square off against the Seattle Seahawks in the 2026 scripted spectacular, because why not dust off old grudges for ratings? It's all kayfabe, folks, with rookie phenom Drake Maye chucking passes like pre-rehearsed fireworks, while Sam Darnold for the 'Hawks pulls off "miraculous" scrambles straight from a WWE playbook. First half ends in a convenient 14-14 tie, as if the writers couldn't decide on a heel turn yet.

Halftime? Cue this "Bad Bunny" enigma—beats me who he is, but he's evidently a superstar with a Trump loathing that could curdle milk. He prances out in technicolor flair, belting hits amid a "spontaneous" AR glitch: A holographic Trump balloon inflates, ripe for the popping. Bunny smirks, drops meme-gold bars like "Conejo vs. the clown—game over!" and whacks it with his mic, showering the field in candy confetti that screams viral fodder. #BunnyPopsTrump explodes online, because nothing rigs the narrative like political piñata pandemonium.
Second act? Sloppy 21-21 deadlock after Maye slips on sweets. Meanwhile, Bill Belichick, the hooded puppet master snubbed from the Hall of Fame (too many "controversies," they say), sulks at home binge-watching reruns. But enter the big reveal: Tom Brady "unretires" from the bench like a wrestling legend's comeback, dodging debris to sling the "winning" strike. Pats "claim" 28-21 in this fixed finale. Pass the tinfoil hats—it's all smoke, mirrors, and deflated dreams.

                                                                                                             -Daniel Harambe